Saturday, June 19, 2010

Can we be grown about this? [Part 2]

They say blood is thicker than water
but i guess my blood is watered down
when it comes to the pain my heart has swallowed
it holds no comparison to anything else
I will not sit here and wallow in the misery
agony stress and suffering you've inflicted on me
you've always been the oldest but to me
a role-model you've never been,

you've never done anything for me
but displace your hatred upon me
punish me for your incarcerated
self regret and feelings of failure
what sense does this make when
even a stranger can love me better

you try to live a life of sunny skies
but deep down inside your filled with green
can you please stop playing the fool and
just be grown about this
you've always placed me last in your
selfish attempts to satisfy life
tell me why I gotta pay the price for
the short comings of your lifestyle

but then again let me retrace
is it not I that allows you to smile in my
face when its convenient for you to be my Sis
just for only that day
I let you be, then you flip the switch
sometimes I'd rather talk to a wall
than talk about this because
running into a brick wall would be a bit less painless

you only find it convenient to use me
you close your eyes and turn a blind eye
to all the good things that I do for you
can you even name the last 
good deed you've done for me...
but in being the oldest i guess you dont see
the rest of the layers of this family tree
but its all good because although
you couldnt just be real about things
I'm done trying to satisfy you in any way

I am going to just be grown about this.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Just another lesson learned

this piece is for him not
the him your all thinking about
but another him
the him I constantly cross paths with for no reason
and those early moments
when we would glance at one another at the same time
was more than appeasing

he was in love I was in love
but it was like we were in love together
 but with different people
we became involved in a way that didn't make any sense
it was intriguing but misleading
the terms of agreement we're dense so like any other time I just agreed with out really Reading
and now I see my error in judgment I try to go back and proofread it
but I'm stuck in incomplete fragmented politically incorrect noun verb subject disagreements
 nothing but lies misconceptions deflections broken promises and false terms of endearments
 but I can't place the blame solely on his words because I was the foolish little girl who ate it up like baked chicken rice and beans with some gravy and some corn
fooled myself to believe that it was a mutual agreement beneficial to us both
but I just felt so alone and it may sound silly but the confuse-ment brought me joy
if only for those few moments we encountered one another and made each other laugh
 or those few times he held me tightly yet gently as I cried without asking me questions about the reason why
or the many nights he held my hand as we slept because he knew that's what I liked
or for all those meaningless hugs that we shared in public that caused me to shiver inside
I allowed my mind to take our relationship a little farther than what it actually was so today i document it as,
 just another lesson learned

About Me

My photo
SouTh oF NoWhErE, New York CiTy, United States
Born in LA
Raised in the Bronx
and of Honduran ethnicity,
i Am a cultural urban mix of complete randomness,
so much more than what meets the eyes... i have a passion for writing an obsession for music and an undeniable addiction to dancing.
welcome to the 'inner me'.

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