Friday, December 24, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Its been a minute since we spoke last
you probably dont remember me on your good list
because I didnt give you the chance to put me there

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Our Encounters

never planned or expected
still he steals my attention
from any other interested eyes
in the room
these guys they despise him
or so they should
because with out a try
he got me fixated on his every move
respected by many
and loved by a few
he got more than enough hoes
so he respects the way that I move
understands that no doesn’t mean that
I don’t feel the same way he feels for me
a deep stare from his eyes
relaxes my mind for the night
no games in hindsight
he the type of nigga that can hold me down
the type of dub that’s too good to be true
he gotta be laced with something you see
everytime I take a pull
exhaling is never easy
I feel as though a piece of him stays within me
style impeccable, swagged out like no other
yet his intellect surpasses that of the majority
chemistry like we were meant to be
yet chill around one another like we family
the comfort of his arms
is a feeling that I had far forgotten
till he held me perfectly
my body molded into his as if
that’s the way it was meant to be
somebody please tell me
that they know what I mean
damn i got it bad, but he’s the type of guy
that i just got to have.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Mini Skirt

i stare hypocrisy in the face
bold and blankly like the pinnacle of their fate
i feel the intensity of despise in your eyes
and you hawk me down
as i strut around with my head held high
in my mini skirt… yes mini skirt that hugs my physique just right
so i continue to sway my hips in that rhythmic way
ipod on shuffle volume on max
the therapy to my life
take a second and compare
think of where you were at when you were my age
and what you were wearing
i swear you ‘church’ people need to be prayed for
“she should respect herself” she whispers
“her skirt is too short” she says
…BITCH its just fashion
but then i’d be wrong if i slurred those words to her in disgust
with the serpent of a tongue i possess
and the venomous vocabulary i’ve been blessed with
but instead i just pleasantly smiled and walked away
turned the other cheek like the word says
because if i dared to break on you
all of this around us would tumble down faster then the walls of Jericho
walkin around actin like you saved
go on with your bad self
of course you want to be saved now
now that you’ve lived your life in its entirety
im just askin for the equal chance to do the same
now that your prepared to kneel down in the name of Christ
you dare to judge me like im doing something wrong
but you fail to realize that my faith is different
my path to him has not been paved in your direction
my God understands me an accepts me the way
that i am… even in my mini skirt.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Dear Mona Lisa

why the false testimony
what should I trust
your painted on smile
or the darkness of your eyes
did the painter deceive your emotion
or did you deceive his
in this world too large to fit
on your canvas
how could we ever comprehend
and detect the truth
today I borrowed your smile
but i promise you can have it back
because to fool others
is to torment yourself
dealing with a reality that
crawls through you like
the blood in your veins
dreams undreamt
tell me why you forced your face
to smile when your soul frowns?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Heartbreak Vol. 1

Should've wanted me when you had me
now you got to watch the beauty you could have had on the next mans arm
and you know that I ain't mean to cause you any harm
but i guess the damage is done
you claim that I took your heart and ran away with it
but truth be told you allowed your heart to lay and stay away dormant
I looked in my pockets and your heart wasn't there
you probably lost it
its probably in hiding because it got tired of being
played, betrayed and wasted away
So dream me when you hold that emptiness tight
because I'm the one you should've wanted
when you had the chance to treat me right.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Black Page

I wish pain was written in pencil
and I was a blank page
so that the scars of the past could be easily erased
disappeared, like that show
Without A Trace
a smooth yellow number 2
like the ones I was forced to take those state tests with
I could bubble in those blank circles with out fear
so that if I made a mistake I could effortlessly
change my answer or make it disappear
a number two pencil
so that I could go back to a blank page
after an error had taken place.

Or maybe should I wish to be a white board
so that my life can be written in expo markers instead
make a mistake wipe it clean back to its
original stage of purity
back to its white blankness
or should I say blank whiteness
another chance to mess up without any reprimands
How about white chalk on concrete
just wait for the rain and it will be right back to where it started
but me I wasn't so lucky

I was born a black page

nothing but a scar from the day I entered this world
and my accounts are written in sharpies and pens
that bleed and scratch their permanent
expressions onto my page
every error and rough draft remains
nothing but layers of mistakes
oh but wait I have white-out, oh please

they don't make such heavenly creations for black pages
black out see how pretty that sounds
but when mistakes do occur that is the  result
I blackOUT
but then I remember
all these scribbles, scratches, corrections, mistakes
displayed on my skin are nothing but character
my black page tells stories of pains that taught lessons 
fights that caused dreams accomplished
my life ... nothing less and nothing more
but a black page.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

dreams are for dreamers

Dreams are for dreamers
i like to think of my hopes and wishes
as potential goals and possibilities
i set my sights pending my capabilities
wishful thinking is nothing but
hopeful setups for disappointment
gracious god give me the strength to be
and the clarity to be reasonable in this environment
and i usually don't pray often
and I'm sorry for this
but defeat isn't something I'm comfortable with
lately the walls
they've been caving in on me
provide me with the ladder
to climb out of this box i stand cluttered in
I've opened up the windows
but they seem to be lined with cement blocks
the only rain i feel are the
solemn drops that accumalte
and flood from my ducts
when no one is looking
when i need to release
i write i type i think 
i fight within me
because to feel like this there
got to be something wrong
within me...
but there isn't
its just the path that was intended for me to take
made to build me stronger in every possible way.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I'm not gonna even lie
its like a ounce of him still exists within me
but i don't even display a drop of that emotion
its like my sentiments remain congested
sitting in my esophagus waiting to be digested
due to all the shit you been putting me through
look into my eyes and tell me I'm not being true
how dare you compare and question the love that i 
had for you
had for you
you cheated physically i cheated emotionally
we cheated each other out of a relationship
now we gotta deal with the consequences
the what if's and the in-completes of life
it takes you being inebriated
your love life disintegrated
for you to realize that i was the 
best you ever had
best you ever had
and now i know your mad
the paranoia of the situation got you going crazy
thinking about
him holding me like you held her the other night
lets think about it really
your the one that's evidently moving on
but your sitting here on my phone
females buzzing in the background
making me feel like i 
did you wrong
did you wrong
maybe i did do you wrong
by giving up on us
but never did i lie
never allowed you to walk around blind
the love we had was young
mistakes were bound to happen
but how can i be in a relationship with you
if my trust for you ain't no longer true?
you were my present, I thought you'd be my future
but presently you 
remain in my past
remain in my past.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

beauty Curse.

there is indeed a curse that comes along with being thick
like struggling to find the right jeans to fit this ... thing in
small waist thick thighs god someone please tell me why
why me...
yes indeed all the boys hawk and stare at me
but not in the ways that I wish to be looked and glared at
control your hands sweetheart
under my shirt is not where my minds at
your eyes piercing at my skinny leg jeans will not magically
take them off my lusciously brown skin
yeah we grindin on the dance floor
but that doesn't mean you’re taking me home
and yes I flaunt my figure in these clothes
but that doesn’t mean your guaranteed to bone
you can look but don’t touch because
i damn sure don’t know where your hands been at
but I do know where they want to go
as you attentively watch my hips sway back and fourth
I promise you'll never be bored
but the problem lies in image
I am seen as nothing but an image of sexuality
due to the frame my soul was placed in
but if you look within me there is a grace you can’t miss
a mindset that’s quite distinct
thunderous amounts of dignity
my physical being does not even compare to
a small portion of the inner me
so as you admire my curves
realize that they are indeed a blessing
...but also a curse

Saturday, July 10, 2010

but nobody heard me.

Mind spinning
all fused into one

i took a walk
to clear my skies
and i walked
and i walked
with my friend 
but alone in my heart
i remained

and i walked 
and i walked
until my feet stopped
and for a second
the whole world stood still

and i panicked
and i panicked
it was too surreal
help me i screamed
but nobody heard me

then it got hot
then it got hot
sweat began to 
drip from my forehead
help me i screamed
but my lips weren't moving

I started to pant
lungs winded
heart beat quickened
legs weakened
I got dizzy
I got dizzy
my mind was leaving me

and the world moved faster
the world moved faster
no air left to breathe
I collapsed to the ground
HELP ME I screamed
but it was to late, 
anxiety had defeated me
...once again

Thursday, July 8, 2010


everyday I wish to be inspired
but the lack of desire has me caught at a blind spot
drawing blanks as i resist withdrawing
from the current state of mind of
those days when motivation came so easily
I can mesmerize back to the times when
everything was a sign
beautiful blue clear skies would inspire
positive rhymes of freedom and life but
its like my mind rejects and declines these
superficially inspirational rhymes and
turns them into negative pulsations and questions
due to my lack of motivation
but because ones mind is simply ones own creation
it can only go where one wants to take it
these questions lift me to a whole
different altitude of thinking and dreaming
my level of thought and creation surmounts
that of a typical being
and leaves the close minded dazed and confused
limitation of inspiration does not exist
in this world filled with infinite amounts of imagination
so dont think so little of that crack in the concrete
because in the end it could breed a rose

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

That Day

That day 
was the corner of a sun ray right before it set
sharing its last bit of warmth before it went to bed
as I stare at the window pane watching the sunrise today
the disdain in my gut remains unsettled, disheveled
like the purest sense of betrayal
my heart and mind I can't seem to leverage
excuses become my gateway to a spiritual escape
it hurts too much to think ... so i don't
and feeling takes to much energy ... so i pretend to be incapable of it

That day
i could not eat because my stomach was filled with hope
but i did not dare gloat, because a part of me knew that 
hope holds no weight in the matters of the heart
it serves as an appetizer to tease you and please you 
before you get served a meal that you wont be able to finish
its like being fed bullshit shit with your eyes open

That day
i blinked and had an epiphany 
my eyes re-opened and re-observed the world
like a new born baby
it's like i opened up a dictionary and saw my life in it
but there was still a chapter missing
a chapter left with blank lines
left for me to finish
and to this day I have no definition

That day
you stared into my eyes and saw that
they were darker than a cities night sky
no stars in sight just a apathetic glare
and i watched you patiently as you 
aggressively emptied out your bag on to my desk
you tossed my valentines day gift out with regret
it was in a jewelery box that appeared to be wrapped with love
i opened it anxiously with caution as soon as you turned away

and i realized today that that was the day you through my heart away

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Can we be grown about this? [Part 2]

They say blood is thicker than water
but i guess my blood is watered down
when it comes to the pain my heart has swallowed
it holds no comparison to anything else
I will not sit here and wallow in the misery
agony stress and suffering you've inflicted on me
you've always been the oldest but to me
a role-model you've never been,

you've never done anything for me
but displace your hatred upon me
punish me for your incarcerated
self regret and feelings of failure
what sense does this make when
even a stranger can love me better

you try to live a life of sunny skies
but deep down inside your filled with green
can you please stop playing the fool and
just be grown about this
you've always placed me last in your
selfish attempts to satisfy life
tell me why I gotta pay the price for
the short comings of your lifestyle

but then again let me retrace
is it not I that allows you to smile in my
face when its convenient for you to be my Sis
just for only that day
I let you be, then you flip the switch
sometimes I'd rather talk to a wall
than talk about this because
running into a brick wall would be a bit less painless

you only find it convenient to use me
you close your eyes and turn a blind eye
to all the good things that I do for you
can you even name the last 
good deed you've done for me...
but in being the oldest i guess you dont see
the rest of the layers of this family tree
but its all good because although
you couldnt just be real about things
I'm done trying to satisfy you in any way

I am going to just be grown about this.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Just another lesson learned

this piece is for him not
the him your all thinking about
but another him
the him I constantly cross paths with for no reason
and those early moments
when we would glance at one another at the same time
was more than appeasing

he was in love I was in love
but it was like we were in love together
 but with different people
we became involved in a way that didn't make any sense
it was intriguing but misleading
the terms of agreement we're dense so like any other time I just agreed with out really Reading
and now I see my error in judgment I try to go back and proofread it
but I'm stuck in incomplete fragmented politically incorrect noun verb subject disagreements
 nothing but lies misconceptions deflections broken promises and false terms of endearments
 but I can't place the blame solely on his words because I was the foolish little girl who ate it up like baked chicken rice and beans with some gravy and some corn
fooled myself to believe that it was a mutual agreement beneficial to us both
but I just felt so alone and it may sound silly but the confuse-ment brought me joy
if only for those few moments we encountered one another and made each other laugh
 or those few times he held me tightly yet gently as I cried without asking me questions about the reason why
or the many nights he held my hand as we slept because he knew that's what I liked
or for all those meaningless hugs that we shared in public that caused me to shiver inside
I allowed my mind to take our relationship a little farther than what it actually was so today i document it as,
 just another lesson learned

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Lost (whats next for us part 2)

Whats next for us...
I am stressed distressed and flexed
when i try to organize the feelings I have compressed
because im scared of feeling and dealing with us
the us that we've lost
and the lost us has cost me more than i had to give
i am emotionally in debt
my credit is declining
ive maxed out my patience, my tolerance, and my understanding
all in one trip
and those are the least of my worries
i gave all i had to give
ive heard you out
but i can no longer listen
ive reached out
but you seem to be at a farther distance
and i cant seem to stretch my arms far enough to reach us
its like my heart is fixated on you
but that's not enough
its like you wont be satisfied until
you have me clenched tightly enough to only breathe your air
but understand me you never do
its like you cant see that us together is a venomous mixture of pure insanity
and your so clenched into my heart that it hurts
as i try to pull and pry you off of my soul
you got this everlasting hold
that i cant seem to control

if my pillow was a plant, it would be a forest by now
because it gets fed every night
with the tears my eyes shed
my pillow is more nourished than i am
crying has been the healthiest thing that i am
there's no other outlet

you just don't get it

and I chose to let you go
i tried to let the bridge burn
but that will never work
in order for us to disintegrate
we have to decide to let go together
but we continue to fight in order to stay together
although both options hurt us forever
and i try to keep my composure
but this is truly torture
if we belonged together
why has this weather been anything
but in our favor

and still i got to question whats next for us
but i believe the answer is a lost cost
because its gonna remain just as lost as we are.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My Fairytale

Hello everyone
My name is Jaimie hill
and I prefer to speak properly
because I am royalty
and I bet you'll
never guess where I come from
so let me fill you in on my fortunate lifestyle

I come from a place where we reside in majestic castles
I come from a place where my royal neighborhood consists of things that fly around oh so magically,
I come from a place where I am the apple of my prince's eye and I am his one true love

Aren’t I lucky to be living this fairytale life?
Oh but wait I left a few details out

I said I come from a place where we reside in majestic castles that are twenty stories high but these castles aren't surrounded by grassy fields, they are crammed five on a 1 block radius sitting pretty on gritty concrete that is abused daily by street runners, dope boys, the homeless and those who have homes that they cannot run to

I said I come from a place where my royal neighborhood consists of things that fly around oh so magically, but do not be confused, I am not speaking of fairies or godmothers, nor of pretty little birdies, I speak of those who get high off trees cause they have nothing else to lift their spirits, and the souls that fly up to the heavens way earlier than they were meant to because they were statistics and where ponies are replaced with pit bulls and as for birds we have flying rats that we call pigeons, and as for pigeons we have dirty birds that we call smuts and whores because their lives consist of flying from one mans bed to the next as sporadically as they please searching for some one to fill a void, but they mistake the hole in their heart with the hole between their legs and little do they know that that damage is there to stay.

I said I come from a place where I am the only apple of his eye, well at least in my mind, in his he has 6, the 2 that sit pretty on my chest and the one that constitutes my rear end and then another set on the next chick and prince charming isn't as charming as he seems only until he gets what he needs and in my fairytale you don't go from princess to queen but from princess to an STD

Sometimes it seems like this reality is a fairy tale because it’s so unbelievable that it should be a fiction, but in my fairytale there is no happily ever after

And by the way if your still wondering the projects is where I reside.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Bleeding Love

woke up this morning to a mascara stained pillow case
realized that my eyes bled through the night
as i began to recollect the details of our last conversation
all i heard was my heart cry and scream for some sort of salvation
he once compared our love to that of a red rose
the life the beauty the purity the innocence of a blossomed flower
the hope that it embodied the happiness that it foreshadowed
but he failed to mention that every rose has its season 
and with the end of each season came a death
our love was a special case though
it didnt just die out, we held on as tightly as we could
till will strangled our rose
the pain caused a struggle that we could no longer fight
our rose bled till it could no longer exist 
the manifestation of our love leaked into the sink 
as we looked away because watching its blood our love float away 
would bring nothing but despair

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

To My Use To Be Best Friend:

So some one who i use to hold near and dear to my heart decided to post something about me (on FACEBOOK of course) and it went a little something like this...

"I failed..This REALization marched out of my heart and grabbed me by the throat this morning. I realized that I've been failing to break free from the past...settling for dishonesty when i deserve a relationship that will last...beyond the guise of falsehood into the light of reality...
every moment my heart beats heavy with the knowledge that u cant trust any1
not even sumone u been there for..for years nd years...because she Jaimie will sit there apathetically
while u drowning in ur [tears...]" _Renee

Failure is nothing but what one deems to be their own personal defeat
stop playing the victim and pick up the baggage that was intended for you to carry, if you wish to remain weary than sadly you will remain in that one spot you manifest in your lonely head filled with nothing but pain failure and regret.
I will allow you to stand there in that one spot you've been allowing your feet to sink in, if you want to drown I can not be your life guard because no one taught me to swim.

Fail, fail you have to yourself as you live in the past of your own mindset refusing to expand your own horizons as you kneel down and preach all this nonsense, casting out artificial bait to those that you love and care about the most, but once they realize its artificial they prefer to carry on alone.

You wake up every morning and stand before the sink and glare at the disguised image portrayed in the mirror but you cant see yourself because the clouds just maybe too thick, and you fight and you squint but that mirror image of yourself is afraid to reveal itself because just maybe you aren't ready to meet yourself just yet and you continue to sink.
Everything in life has a beginning, but everything doesn't have an end, if it has an expiration date than shouldn't that mean that it should've never existed in the first place.

The lies that you feed to yourself ain't nothing but Juicy Couture though, gold plated fools gold, and I feel sorry for you because you sit there and falsely claim to uphold the very values that you don't even know, the very values that got you sinking in that one spot that you now sit in alone, and you continue to sink 

and I guess all I can say is, I hope you learn to swim.

Monday, February 15, 2010

What's Next for us

his arms use to feel like home
but as he held me an alarm rang off
and i no longer felt warm
i no longer felt whole
i feel like i've encountered a storm
living in an igloo would have been better tho
maybe i should write a four page letter like aaliyah tho
but where would i begin
it wasn't me who turned off the heat
i didn't with hold a secret
that would seep in to deep
sink in to our relationship
and devour it from the outside in
i didn't creep
i wasn't the coward
and i attempted to accept the deceit
i tried to keep it all discreet
but i was the fool
because as i worried about everyone else
no one worried about me
but i was the one who dug deep
looked for the truth
when it didn't want to be sought out
found out.. and now everyone's
true colors done been brought out
the ones i trusted were called out
in this game of volley ball
i was the net
and the ball hit everything else but it
no one felt the pain i felt as it
shot up my spine
up my neck
into my brain
and then back down into my heart
that one cold relentless night
when a secret was revealed to me
from a mouth that it should not have been in
took over my insight
and reversed its emotions like icy hot
forgive you
forgive you not,
why is this even a question
in my mind when you were the one that
promised me
promised ME
that you'd never lie
you beg and plead
tried to plant this artificial seed
of regret in my brain
and then you have the
audacity to turn around
and attempt to make me feel guilty
and still i love you
the only question i have is
whats next for us...?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A well Composed Mindset

One cannot distract the abstract
a disastrous commotion
creates an artistic notion
of beauty that lavishes the mind
Focus not on the noise
but take note of the voice
inside the brain
through the thunderous rain
begging to understand the pain
laughter arises as pain subsides
and sadness dives into an abyss
that lies deep down in that
darkness hidden it cries
on front street appears a frankness
of sarcasm and delight
despite the fright
than the well maintained
becomes an obstruction
because it is now living a lie.

About Me

My photo
SouTh oF NoWhErE, New York CiTy, United States
Born in LA
Raised in the Bronx
and of Honduran ethnicity,
i Am a cultural urban mix of complete randomness,
so much more than what meets the eyes... i have a passion for writing an obsession for music and an undeniable addiction to dancing.
welcome to the 'inner me'.

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