Calm Stormy Rain

You encourage poetry

Postively encompassing

All of me

Warm touches permanently

Tattooed on my skin

Calm stormy rain

After an excessively hot day

Thats how I feel

When I see your face

When im in your space

It’s like a dream

Something more than attraction

A bond and im fond

Of everthing you’ve accomplished

You go away

But you don't stray

We’re in this beautiful area of gray

And thats where I’d like to stay

Calm stormy rain.

'DAMAGED GIRL' PROBLEMS

I profess to want someone to call at night
think about in the morning
and text ’ imy baby ’ to when I’m feeling lonely
hold hands with when we’re together
someone that wants to know all of me
love all of me
even the deeper darker parts of me
for un-superficial reasons
but every time i encounter
someone with real possibilities
I run away in the opposite direction
shut my eyes
and demonize all their positive intentions
miss them from afar
and never admit how I’m feeling
I destroy good things before they
can happen to me
I know I’m abrasive
and i know I’m snide
but I’m also scared of being alone
but I’m mostly afraid to be loved.

Kindle Fire

Every time I see it I think of you
How you treated me with kindness
Although I withdrew
How you brightened every moment
And made my darkness fade
Even if just for a second
You erased my pain.
Everytime I see it I think of you
I think of how selfish I was
And how I forgot to thank you
Every drive you took
To see my face
All the things you did
To bring the sun out
When I was living in rain.
Everytime I see it I think of you
And how I ran away
Because I knew
My misery wasnt ready
to let up just yet
I cared for you but
I wasnt ready to love you then
I was exuding to much anger
To let you in.
Everytime I see it I feel regret
I hope you understand that
I wasn't exactly myself
But everything happens for
A reason ...
      I hope you understand.

Violated by a Friend

You were my friend

so I mistook the volume of your aggression
to be just your nature
When you stormed out
after my simple denial to pleasure
I swept it under the rug
reasoning that like dust it would
lay unseen & unheard
Unable to effect my allergies
I guessed you were just
Testing my moralities
You must've mistaken me
for a late night 2 train local
type of chick to make a stop
for any guy on the track

but you were my friend

so I tried desperately to pretend
that your actions wouldn't become a trend
Thought you understood that
our relationship was platonic
But you pressured it to shift like
the tectonic plates under california
that late night I heard
a set of foot steps beside mine
& I looked back to find that
they didn't belong to my shadow
Smelling of straight Georgi & DS
you would've thought the
Devil resided inside of you
& frankly you smiled

but you were my friend

So I thought nothing of you
wandering into my room
& as soon as the latches on the
door clicked closed
pulling a trigger to my brain would've of
brought me less anguish & pain
I can still see the painted sin in your eyes
as you pinned me down to the floor
& I screamed STOP
but I guess it wasn't loud enough
for you to realize that
already you had killed me inside
Behind your eyes there was no sight

& in that moment you were lost

behind mine bled tears
as I begged you to release me
but you continued to rip off layers of me
my clothing removed from me like
leaves off branches in the Fall
dead with out a choice
dead with out a voice
dead was I as I struggled to get you off of me
but then it seemed pointless
& I became a motionless stone
& my heart drained out to black
& as you prepared to
violate me further I whispered

but I thought you were my friend

& you looked up at me
as if you'd forgotten it was me all along
without a word you just picked up & left

& that was the night
I almost got raped by a friend.

Scared to Love

He told her that it's over
Even though he still loves her
And when he lays to rest at night
He holds another thinking of her
The truth is that she hurt you
And you wish you could care less
But you hold on to the memories
Cause you can't bare to let them stray

In fear you wish they'd fade away
But each time she calls your hearts
Pace tends to slightly change
And when she stares
You look the other way
You keep that poker face
Because your scared that the depth
In her eyes is still the same

Afraid to realize that all the love you
Ever needed is still right there
Even if it I disguised by a thin layer
Of misconceived pain.