Heartbreak Vol. 1

Should've wanted me when you had me
now you got to watch the beauty you could have had on the next mans arm
and you know that I ain't mean to cause you any harm
but i guess the damage is done
you claim that I took your heart and ran away with it
but truth be told you allowed your heart to lay and stay away dormant
I looked in my pockets and your heart wasn't there
you probably lost it
its probably in hiding because it got tired of being
played, betrayed and wasted away
So dream me when you hold that emptiness tight
because I'm the one you should've wanted
when you had the chance to treat me right.

Black Page

I wish pain was written in pencil
and I was a blank page
so that the scars of the past could be easily erased
disappeared, like that show
Without A Trace
a smooth yellow number 2
like the ones I was forced to take those state tests with
I could bubble in those blank circles with out fear
so that if I made a mistake I could effortlessly
change my answer or make it disappear
a number two pencil
so that I could go back to a blank page
after an error had taken place.

Or maybe should I wish to be a white board
so that my life can be written in expo markers instead
make a mistake wipe it clean back to its
original stage of purity
back to its white blankness
or should I say blank whiteness
another chance to mess up without any reprimands
How about white chalk on concrete
just wait for the rain and it will be right back to where it started
but me I wasn't so lucky

I was born a black page

nothing but a scar from the day I entered this world
and my accounts are written in sharpies and pens
that bleed and scratch their permanent
expressions onto my page
every error and rough draft remains
nothing but layers of mistakes
oh but wait I have white-out, oh please

they don't make such heavenly creations for black pages
black out see how pretty that sounds
but when mistakes do occur that is the  result
I blackOUT
but then I remember
all these scribbles, scratches, corrections, mistakes
displayed on my skin are nothing but character
my black page tells stories of pains that taught lessons 
fights that caused dreams accomplished
my life ... nothing less and nothing more
but a black page.

dreams are for dreamers

Dreams are for dreamers
i like to think of my hopes and wishes
as potential goals and possibilities
i set my sights pending my capabilities
wishful thinking is nothing but
hopeful setups for disappointment
gracious god give me the strength to be
hopeful
and the clarity to be reasonable in this environment
and i usually don't pray often
and I'm sorry for this
but defeat isn't something I'm comfortable with
lately the walls
they've been caving in on me
provide me with the ladder
to climb out of this box i stand cluttered in
I've opened up the windows
but they seem to be lined with cement blocks
the only rain i feel are the
solemn drops that accumalte
and flood from my ducts
when no one is looking
when i need to release
i write i type i think 
i fight within me
because to feel like this there
got to be something wrong
within me...
but there isn't
its just the path that was intended for me to take
made to build me stronger in every possible way.

Present...Future...Past

I'm not gonna even lie

its like a ounce of him still exists within me

but i don't even display a drop of that emotion

its like my sentiments remain congested

sitting in my esophagus waiting to be digested

due to all the shit you been putting me through

look into my eyes and tell me I'm not being true

how dare you compare and question the love that i 

had for you

had for you

you cheated physically i cheated emotionally

we cheated each other out of a relationship

now we gotta deal with the consequences

the what if's and the in-completes of life

it takes you being inebriated

your love life disintegrated

for you to realize that i was the 

best you ever had

best you ever had

and now i know your mad

the paranoia of the situation got you going crazy

thinking about

him holding me like you held her the other night

lets think about it really

your the one that's evidently moving on

but your sitting here on my phone

females buzzing in the background

making me feel like i 

did you wrong

did you wrong

maybe i did do you wrong

by giving up on us

but never did i lie

never allowed you to walk around blind

the love we had was young

mistakes were bound to happen

but how can i be in a relationship with you

if my trust for you ain't no longer true?

you were my present, I thought you'd be my future

but presently you 

remain in my past

remain in my past.

beauty Curse.

there is indeed a curse that comes along with being thick
like struggling to find the right jeans to fit this ... thing in
small waist thick thighs god someone please tell me why
why me...
yes indeed all the boys hawk and stare at me
but not in the ways that I wish to be looked and glared at
control your hands sweetheart
under my shirt is not where my minds at
your eyes piercing at my skinny leg jeans will not magically
take them off my lusciously brown skin
yeah we grindin on the dance floor
but that doesn't mean you’re taking me home
and yes I flaunt my figure in these clothes
but that doesn’t mean your guaranteed to bone
you can look but don’t touch because
i damn sure don’t know where your hands been at
but I do know where they want to go
as you attentively watch my hips sway back and fourth
I promise you'll never be bored
but the problem lies in image
I am seen as nothing but an image of sexuality
due to the frame my soul was placed in
but if you look within me there is a grace you can’t miss
a mindset that’s quite distinct
thunderous amounts of dignity
my physical being does not even compare to
a small portion of the inner me
so as you admire my curves
realize that they are indeed a blessing
...but also a curse